Boss I Love To Hate Page 21

  With Berlin, though, it’s not just the physical release that drives me. It’s the desire to be closer to her. It’s that natural connection and intimacy we share. When I’m with her, I don’t feel like it’s just a physical act to get myself off. It’s more than that. So much more. There’s a chemistry between us that fills me with feelings I can’t explain, other than to say it’s like a really good drug – and one I can’t seem to get enough of. The more I get, the more I want.

  Rider sets his beer mug down and looks at me, his expression not as flippant. “I am partly serious, though,” he says. “Unless we’re going to start doing some shady shit, you really don’t have a need for a trial attorney.”

  “Well, if I do plan on doing some shady shit, at least I know my ass will be covered.”

  He grins and shakes his head. The waitress comes by and drops off a basket of wings for us. I snatch one up and wolf it down. I don’t need to justify bringing her on board to anybody. My company, my rules. That’s just how it works. And yet, I find myself needing to justify it to Rider for reasons that aren’t clear to me.

  “You really care about her, don’t you?”

  Rider’s question hits me out of the blue. Although, I probably should have anticipated it. The fact that I didn’t shows me just how far I have my head up my ass these days. I pride myself on being able to see the entire chessboard in front of me. I may not have the expertise to deal with this thing or that thing, but I see the game well enough. I’m usually thinking three moves ahead, so I get the right people in the right positions at the right times. It’s how I’ve succeeded in expanding Compass in ways not even my father, as brilliant as he was, could think of.

  And yet today I’m caught off guard by the most basic and obvious of questions. I should kick my own ass.

  A wry smile touches my lips. “And you’re surmising this because I gave her a job?”

  He looks at me for a moment, his expression one of brotherly affection. “I surmise this because of how different you’ve been since you started seeing her.”

  “Different?”

  He takes a long pull of his beer and nods. “For one thing, you haven’t been as big of an asshole lately.”

  My laughter bursts from my chest without warning, making me glad I didn’t have a mouthful of beer at that moment, or Rider would be wearing it. He grins back at me.

  “Gee, thanks?” I ask.

  “Anytime, buddy.”

  I chew on another wing and wash it down with a long swallow of beer. I don’t know about being less of an asshole, but Berlin has had a strangely calming effect on me. That much I can’t deny. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t feel as tense or impatient around people lately as I normally do. She called me a magician, but I’m starting to think maybe she’s the one who cast a spell on me.

  “You still haven’t answered the question, though,” he presses. “You care about her a lot, yes?”

  I give him a brief nod. “Yeah, I do.”

  His smile is wide and genuine. “That’s good, Sawyer. That’s really good. It’s about damn time,” he nods. “And I’ll assume since she’s continuing to have sex with you, the feeling is mutual.”

  “I’ll have to assume so,” I shrug.

  “Well shit, I better call the Ledger,” he smirks. “Manhattan’s most eligible bachelor is now off the market. Maybe they can get a more flattering picture of you two.”

  “Am I just now noticing, because of my apparently new kinder, gentler personality, that you’re kind of an enormous asshole?”

  Rider laughs. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  We sit together, eating wings and drinking beer in a companionable silence for a few minutes. Things with Berlin seem to be getting better, and we seem to be growing closer, which is something that makes me happier than I would have guessed when this whole thing began. But there’s this maddening bit of distance that’s keeping things from being completely whole – keeping us from being completely whole.

  “She has a secret,” I blurt out. “There’s something she’s not telling me.”

  Rider shrugs. “We all have secrets, man,” he replies. “You have plenty of your own.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not like that. She’s holding something back from me, and I can’t help but feel like it’s somehow relevant to us,” I explain. “I thought she was going to tell me last night, but she didn’t. She held onto it – whatever it is.”

  “Maybe it has nothing to do with you,” Rider responds. “Believe it or not, there are some things in this world that don’t revolve around you.”

  I chuckle. “Very few,” I joke. “But seriously, I just have this instinct that says whatever she’s holding back does revolve around me.”

  “Ego much?”

  I crook an eyebrow at him. “And how long have you known me?”

  “Good point,” he grins. “Maybe she’s pregnant.”

  I almost drop my beer mug. “Bite your fucking tongue, man.”

  He laughs and wipes his fingers with a napkin. “I seem to remember somebody once having a dream about having a family of his own,” he reminds me. “Settling down in a house with a white picket fence?”

  I drain the last of my beer and signal the waitress for a fresh round. She nods, letting me know she got the message, and a couple of minutes later, she weaves her way through the crowd and drops off our drinks, giving me a wink as she leaves the table. I ignore it. In fact, I don’t even watch her ass when she walks away, which proves to me that Berlin is definitely a witch who has cast some fucked up spell on me.

  “Here we go with this shit again,” I groan.

  “I just thought it was an opportune time to remind you of some of the things you’ve said.”

  “That was back when I was young and stupid,” I respond. “Like I’ve told you a million times already, I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”

  “Two things,” he begins. “First, that doesn’t deny that you still want that very thing. And two, you also said that finding a true and lasting love wasn’t in the cards for you either. And yet, here we are.”

  “Who said love? I never said anything about love. Nobody’s saying that,” I counter. “We’re way too new to even be talking about that word.”

  “Wow,” he laughs out loud. “I can’t believe how fast and tight your asshole puckered when I brought up the word ‘love’.”

  “I’m going to stab you with this chicken bone.”

  He laughs, but it slowly fades away, and he gives me a more serious expression. “Seriously, Sawyer. Would it be such a bad thing?” he asks. “Having a good woman in your life? Having some kids and stability in your world?”

  I wave him off. “We’re not there yet,” I say. “And this whole having children thing is a product of your imagination.”

  “A wee bit defensive about it, aren’t we?”

  “I’m pretty sure with my money; I can get away with murdering you right here and now.”

  “Probably,” he grins. “Still doesn’t make me wrong, though.”

  I sit back in the booth and take a long swallow of my beer. It’s been a long while since I’ve given serious thought to having a family of my own. I won’t lie – the idea still holds some appeal for me. But it’s not something I think will actually come to pass.

  “This is all pointless conjecture,” I note. “Berlin’s not pregnant.”

  “You sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Then ask her what she’s hiding from you.”

  “I’m sure it’s something to do with her father.”

  “So ask.”

  “She’ll tell me when she’s ready.”

  Rider grins fiendishly. “Why are you so afraid to ask her? Afraid of what you might hear?”

  I laugh and drain the last of my beer. “I’m not afraid. It’s just not my business,” I respond. “I have to learn to respect her boundaries.”

  Rider sits back and smiles like the Cheshire Cat. “Wow. You really are tu
rning over a new leaf,” he says. “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

  “You are really on a roll tonight,” I note. “You seem to enjoy really twisting that knife.”

  “It’s kind of nice to be on the giving end of things for a change,” he offers.

  I scrub my face with my hands but can’t keep myself from chuckling. This whole situation – even talking about Berlin being pregnant – is absurd. If she was, I’m sure she would have told me by now. That woman is nothing if not responsible.

  Still, that fearful, almost haunted look in her eyes continues to flash through my mind. She’s definitely got a secret, and despite what I said to Rider, I really don’t think it has to do with her father. I can almost guarantee it has to do with her – us. But I can’t see deeply enough into her mind to know what it is.

  A fact that’s frustrating the shit out of me. But, like I told Rider, I am trying to learn to respect her boundaries and be a better man. I’ve never felt the need to change for anybody, but there’s just something about Berlin that inspires that desire to change and grow in me.

  Yeah. She’s definitely cast a spell on me. There’s no doubt about it.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Berlin

  “So how are you settling in?”

  “So far, so good,” I say.

  “Everybody treating you well?”

  I nod. “Yeah, well enough I guess,” I tell him. “Although Rider seems to be taking an evil glee in tormenting me.”

  Sawyer laughs. “Yeah, that guy’s a real jokester.”

  “Does anybody take anything seriously around here?”

  “Every now and then.”

  I smile and shake my head at him. In that quiet moment, my stomach churns, and my heart stutters inside of me. I know I need to do the right thing. It’s time I come clean and open my mouth to tell him about the baby, but once again, my courage fails me. The words die on my lips. I clear my throat and run a hand through my hair.

  Instead of doing what I know I should do, I look around his office and try to pry the fingers of guilt that grips me tightly. The last time I was here, I didn’t really stop and take the time to take it all in. Now that I have a minute, as I look around Sawyer’s office, my impression is that everything is – big. Larger than normal. The chair I’m sitting in for instance, a deep, plush wingback, practically swallows me whole. I feel completely engulfed by it.

  “Why is everything in this office so large?” I ask.

  “Maybe it’s all normal sized, and you’re just small.”

  I sigh. “You just have a smartass answer for everything, don’t you?”

  “Pretty much, yeah.”

  We stare at each other for a long moment, and when Sawyer doesn’t speak, I roll my eyes.

  “Why did you call for me, Sawyer?” I ask. “What am I doing here?”

  He shrugs. “I just wanted to say hi.”

  I give him a deadpan stare. “Are you serious?”

  “What? Is there something wrong with wanting to greet my employees and make sure they’re transitioning into the company okay?”

  “Oh, is that what this is?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Mmm-hmmmm,” I smile.

  He gets up and comes around his desk, and when he takes my hand, my stomach lurches. His touch sends tendrils of electricity crawling along my skin, making my heart pound in my chest. He pulls me to my feet and walks me over to the wall of windows. We stand side by side, close enough that our hips touch, and look out over the city.

  Though dark gray clouds hang low in the sky, blanketing the city in a light mist and dull light, I can’t help but think it’s beautiful. I honestly don’t know if it’s being up this high above everything, or if Sawyer’s love for this city is becoming infectious, but lately, I’ve been seeing it differently. Many of the things I used to take for granted – or just flat out annoyed me – have become charming quirks. Eccentricities of my home. I don’t know that I am ever going to love this city the way Sawyer does, but I’m certainly learning to appreciate it quite a bit more.

  “So why did you really call me in here?” I ask.

  He takes my hand and turns me to him, a sultry smile on his lips. Sawyer grips my waist and pulls me against his body, letting me feel how aroused he is. I smile but try to pull away and shake my head.

  “Uh-uh,” I tell him, planting my hand on his chest to push him back. “We agreed that we wouldn’t do this on company grounds.”

  “Actually, I recall you saying it wasn’t a demand but a suggestion,” he tips me a wink.

  I scrunch up my face and consider it for a moment. I guess I did say that.

  Sawyer pulls me to him again and leans down, pressing his lips to mine. I part my lips and his tongue slides against mine, sending a shock of erotic energy coursing through my veins. He pulls back, his eyes boring into mine, and gives me that carnal smile I’m coming to know so well.

  “Sawyer, we can’t,” I wince at the weakness in my voice. My body is already betraying me. “We’re at work. Anybody could come through that door.”

  “Doesn’t that add to the thrill of it all?”

  A wolfish smile on his face, Sawyer takes my hand and guides it down to his cock, forcing me to grab hold of his rigid length. I grip him through his slacks, stroking him up and down, my breath coming out in small gasps.

  “Berlin, I want you. I need you,” he says softly. “My office door is locked – nobody’s coming in.”

  A small squeak passes my lips, and even though my mind is telling me to loosen my grip on his cock, my body rejects the idea. I squeeze him harder. I fumble with his belt, quickly getting it undone, and slide my hand down into his pants. He moans softly as I take hold of his staff, sliding my hand up and down his hard shaft.

  “W – we shouldn’t be doing this,” I protest, but even as I do, I melt into him, kissing up his chest and neck.

  “But you want to.”

  I don’t. But I do. I told myself that I would not let him talk me into this at the office. It’s unprofessional. It’s wrong. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I vowed I never would. But my body is reacting to him and is overriding my brain.

  I should have known Sawyer would push that line with me – and I should have known I’d give in. Gabby called it my sexual awakening – something she said is long overdue. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s making me do things I wouldn’t ordinarily do.

  “Don’t you?” he asks softly.

  I nod. “Yes.”

  “Good girl.”

  Sawyer pushes me up against the glass behind me, our mouths crashing together. His tongue is forceful, his kiss passionate, and it takes my breath away. I grip him harder, stroking him up and down, then circle my thumb over the tip of his cock, swirling his precum around the head and making it slick.

  Sawyer grabs me by the wrists and puts my arms over my head, pinning them against the glass with one of his large, strong hands. He kisses me hard and slides his hand beneath my skirt. His fingertips trail upward, every inch heightening my anticipation and pleasure. Somehow, he makes the short journey feel like a thousand miles. I try to push against him, try to will his hands closer to my wetness, but he takes his time.

  Finally, his fingers softly brush through my now soaked panties. I gasp out loud, cutting a quick glance at the door, praying that nobody comes through it.

  Then all of a sudden, he moves fast. He yanks my panties down to the middle of my thighs, then pierces me with two of his fingers. I press my head back against the glass, moaning loudly as he sends his fingers in and out of me. Part of my mind continues to scream that this is wrong, that I shouldn’t be doing this, but another part of my brain tells that voice to shut up. My body is lit up from the inside, and I can’t get enough of this.

  I turn my head and cast a look behind me, seeing all that nothing out there, and feel my stomach drop. The sudden sensation of vertigo overwhelms me, and I grab his forearms to stea
dy myself. The only thing standing between me and a long drop and grisly end is this pane of glass. And yet, as Sawyer’s fingers continue moving within me, the erotic thrill surging through me is unlike anything I’ve ever known. I can’t stop myself from gasping his name.

  I bite my bottom lip hard, stifling my cries, and trying to maintain control over myself. But it’s no use. Sawyer continues to drive his fingers into me. Adrenaline rushes through me as I glance behind me again, seeing the sheer drop. It terrifies and excites me at the same time, which only serves to send new sensations through my body.

  Sawyer plunges his finger into me one last time, and that’s it for me. I tighten up around his fingers as I lean forward and sink my teeth into Sawyer’s shoulder, making him suck in a sharp breath. My body trembles violently as I come, my cries muffled and stuttering against his shoulder. I dig my fingers harder into his arms. My legs grow weak and rubbery. Sawyer flashes me a grin and holds onto me, keeping me from falling.

  I’m still trying to catch my breath when Sawyer’s mouth finds mine again. His kiss steals the breath I’ve managed to recapture. I’m still having trouble staying upright, so Sawyer picks me up and carries me back to his desk, setting me down on top of it. I squeal, then giggle as my bare ass makes contact with the cold glass surface of his desk.

  Reaching out, I tug Sawyer’s pants down. Finally, his long, glorious cock is free. I marvel at it for a moment. He steps forward, grabbing my ass with his hands and pulls me to him. He gives me a smile and a kiss, then buries his long, thick cock to the hilt.

  I draw in a long, shuddering breath as Sawyer starts to roll his hips, moving that incredible rod in me. I grab hold of his forearms again, steadying myself as he starts to thrust himself into me faster and with more force.

  “Fuck me, Sawyer,” I gasp. “Harder, baby.”

  He complies with my command and starts to plunge his length into me. My skin feels like it’s on fire. He keeps going. Filling me up and stretching me open. I glance at the door, feeling that same surge of fear that somebody might walk in I got when I looked out the window and saw the nothingness behind me. Sawyer was right, the thrill of discovery – and potential death, I guess – makes things so much more vibrant.